


Feedback loop of comfort

by Flagellum



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Crying, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meteorstuck, Nightmares, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Retcon Timeline, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24266329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flagellum/pseuds/Flagellum
Summary: Karkat can't sleep and seeks out Dave. They awkwardly stumble through hugging, sharing a bed, and tongue baths.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 43
Kudos: 313





	Feedback loop of comfort

**Author's Note:**

> This one definitely got away from me a little. If you want to read about nervous boys trying to comfort one another in excruciating detail, you're in the right place.

You’re lying in bed doing breathing exercises, trying to unclench every muscle in your body so you can get some goddamn sleep, when you hear shuffling outside your door. 

You tense up again immediately.

Sighing deeply, you swing yourself out of bed and put on your shades, resigned to the fact that you’re going to need at least another hour to relax enough again in order to even poke a stick at the mere concept of sleeping. 

You swing your door open and the troll behind it, hand poised to knock, flinches like he’s been caught in the act. 

You really were not expecting to see Karkat at this time of night. Of fake, scheduled meteor night. 

You and Karkat are bros. You guys have watched movies, chilled with the mayor, and honestly… Karkat knows things about you. Like, weirdly personal things. 

It’s a general rule of yours to be laid back and unruffled at all times of day, but Karkat drags these fucking _thoughts_ and goddamn _feelings_ out of your mouth that you know can’t be cool or fun to listen to. 

And after you’re done vomiting up disgusting emotions all over your chill bros’ hangout sesh, he’s not even disappointed that you’re maybe not as cool as you try so hard to be. 

He just hums (growls?) angrily whenever you mention strifing with Bro or the cameras planted around your apartment, and then keeps on hanging out with you, pressed against your side from arm to thigh as he silently watches you spin music or draw a comic.

You can’t wrap your head around it.

But despite viewing Karkat as an honest to god friend, you’re still caught off guard.

You always part ways to sleep, if reluctantly. It feels important to pretend that spending time with him isn’t all you ever want to do these days. 

You suddenly realize you’ve kind of just been staring at Karkat for almost 10 seconds.

Before you can open your mouth, he starts yelling.

“WHAT THE FUCK STRIDER. I’M JUST MINDING MY OWN PATHETIC BUSINESS, TAKING A GODDAMN STROLL DEEP IN THE WASTECHUTE OF THE METEOR AND YOU SOMEHOW STILL MANAGE TO SHOW UP WITH YOUR BULGE REPELLENT MUG AND RUIN THINGS.”

You know what Karkat’s angry yelling looks like, you know what his playful yelling and kind yelling look like, and this is not any of those. He doesn’t look annoyed or exasperated or excited. Instead he appears taught with nerves, pulling every muscle tighter in on himself as he makes himself loud to compensate for how small his body seems to want to become.

“You were taking a walk and you just happened to be... facing my door... with your hand raised to knock... right as I opened it.”

“..........YES.”

You study his face. He honestly looks… pretty bad? You’ve noticed his eyes bags have been darker than usual the past few days, but right now his yellow eyes are bloodshot too, and wait hold on, are those pink stains on his cheeks _tear tracks?_ What the fuck.

Your heart clenches with worry for your friend, best friend really, who’s normally loud and stern and friendly and sarcastic and witty and not whatever terrible thing _this_ is. 

“Hey… are you ok?”

He rolls his eyes, “Yes Dave, I’m fine.”

But he sighs shakily, and he’s watching you closely with hunched shoulders and bated breath. 

If anyone gets it, it’s you. Asking for help doesn’t come easily to you, and you think it’s the same for Karkat. You can tell he needs something, and he’s relying on you to see through his bullshit and _help him._

What does he need? A push? Banter? You can do that. 

“Karkat man, any problem you’ve got wedged up your gross alien vagina can’t be worse than that time I, in one psychologically revealing yet grotesquely elegant fell swoop, managed to hit on Rose 5 times during dinner, Kanaya 3 times during dessert, and then in a fit of freudian panic dropped the entire leftover pot of spaghetti sauce on the cozy Rose was knitting for Kanaya’s husktop. There is nothing you could possibly say that is even remotely on my level of embarrassing things.”

“TRUE.”

Ok, definitely not Karkat’s strongest response, but you feel accomplished for making him smile a little. 

“Exactly. So yeah, what’s up?”

He inhales deeply, “Honestly… I just. Can’t sleep.” 

His eyes dart away and he starts talking fast, “which I know sounds like a really fucking mundane problem to be seeking you out while you’re fucking sleeping like I’m a scared wiggler who needs his lusus, but it’s been like a WEEK and,” he takes a shuddering breath and pulls on his hair in frustration, “and without sopor it’s impossible to keep the horrorterrors away and at this point I’m just scared but I’m so fucking tired I-”

His voice cracks and you see red gather at the corner of his eyes.

“Sorry. Fuck. I’m so pathetic. And I know I yelled earlier, and I completely understand if you don’t want me but I just thought maybe…”

“Fuck. Karkat hey man. Hey. Don’t cry, don’t--”

“I’m not CRYING! Don’t look!” 

He frantically swipes at the pink sliding down his cheeks and you reel. You’re kind of out of your element here. 

“Shit, just-- get in here,” you grab Karkat’s shoulder and pull him through the door, shutting it behind him. 

Your room smells kind of sweaty and the only sounds are the whir your fan and Karkat’s sniffles.

“Hey man hey, uh,” you say uselessly because Karkat is clenching his teeth and scrunching his face, but the tears keep spilling.

“Sorry. S’embarassing. Ugh,” he says nasally, “I shouldn’t have come, you didn’t sign up for this.”

“No man. It’s just me. You… I said that nothing you do can be as embarrassing as anything I have done, am doing, or will do, ever, and I meant it. I’ve got you.”

Was that last part weird to say? You don’t really know what you meant by it. You’re kind of overwhelmed. You feel like you’ve been handed something very fragile and you’re sort of just fumbling around with it, trying not to let it fall and shatter into a million pieces.

Weird or not, he’s looking at you now. It’s fine, you’ve got this. You’re gonna fucking be there for him like he is for you everyday in his weird, gruff way. 

“Do you wanna like, sit on my bed and then hug or something?” What the fuck Dave, “I mean, oh my god, haha, that was probably really weird to plan it all out like that. I’m sure that’s probably just something that you can just do and not like make a listicle for with fucking steps and instructions and ingredients and five paragraphs of backstory explaining how this recipe helps you feel closer to your dead mother. Plus you guys don’t even use beds, of course you don’t want to fucking, let’s just do something else. Do you wanna--”

“No!” Karkat yells and then flinches at the volume, “no. We can um. Do that.”

“What?”

“That thing you said! The sitting and um...”

“Oh. Okay.”

What, so now you’re just supposed to walk to your bed in silence next to Karkat with decided intentions to _hug?_ Yeah, your bed is only a few feet away, but that sounds awkward as fuck. Apparently Karkat thinks so too because he’s not moving or looking at you. 

Whatever. You take the few steps towards your bed, sit, and pat the spot next to you. Karkat eyes it warily before shuffling over to you, grumbling. He sits.

“Okay so just--”

“Can you just--”

You’re talking over each other. God, so embarrassing.

“Karkat, I’m just gonna--”

He sniffles, “Okay.”

You’ve actually never initiated a hug in your whole life. Rose has hugged you two times and Terezi has slung her arm over your shoulder three, but you always just stand there and laugh to stave off your discomfort.

Your heart beats fast as you lean your body into Karkat’s. You raise your arms up to his shoulders and wrap them around so your forearms are across his upper back. As you pull him close, his shoulders and chest touch yours. You mouth is fucking right next to his ear so you know he hears the slight quiver in your breathing.

Karkat slowly winds his arms around your waist and pulls himself even closer. He hooks his chin over your shoulder. You feel like you could cry.

Karkat, who you know had barely been holding it together for the past minute, does cry.

Belatedly you wonder if he’s ever been touched like this either. 

This time you can’t see his face or the color of his tears, and he doesn’t try to hold it in. His sobs are surprisingly quiet and small.

Oh my god. You. This is the easily most emotionally charged experience you’ve ever had. Stiffly, as if unfamiliar with operating a body, you rub your hand up and down his back. Your own eyes feel a little wet, and you squeeze them tight to prevent anything from slipping out.

“Shh. Karkat, shh.”

You’re copying what you’ve seen on TV, what you always secretly wished Bro would do to you when you were hurt or scared.

“Dave. Dave, I’m sorry, this is fucking stupid I’m just overtired. You don’t have to--”

“Shh,” you know you can’t talk without betraying how sensitive you’re feeling.

Now that the initial panic and awkwardness has settled, you let yourself be overwhelmed. You’re still sort of stuck on the fact that he would come to _you._ You guess logically you are the closest person to him on the meteor. It’s just, you’ve never been that person for anyone. Sure, you were around when John wanted to rant about his dad or Rose wanted to wax poetic about her wizard slash fic, but being _there for someone,_ while they’re crying? That was not a thing anyone had looked to you for, ever. You’ve never been emotionally close enough to anyone for that.

But now… according to Karkat… you are? He trusts you that much? Thinks you're the kind of bro that he can cry to? 

Karkat’s voice is nasally with tears, “I know I’m acting like the biggest fucking wiggler right now but…thanks, really,” there’s a crack at the end. 

“Sleep here?” you whisper, too embarrassed to ask any louder.

He nods on your shoulder.

You both sit there for a minute, breathing. You can feel his pulse where your bodies are touching, and every time you inhale you smell Karkat. He smells softly sweet and a little sweaty. His chest shudders less and less with every exhale.

You disentangle yourself from him. 

“I’m gonna uh. Can’t really sleep with these bad boys on, ya know?” You remove your shades and fold them on your bedside table. 

You know Karkat’s staring at your face and you feel horribly exposed, so you stare at the ceiling.

“Inside or outside?

“What?”

“What side of the bed? Next to the wall or?” Any more explicit discussion about sleeping arrangements with Karkat is actually going to kill you. 

“Oh. Um,” Karkat chews on his lip and looks away, “Inside.” 

Without another word he scootches back onto the bed and lays down facing the wall.

Ok then. This is really happening. 

Gently you ease yourself down onto the small mattress. Now that the moment is over, you feel out of place. It’s like you just skipped over a million steps on the path to emotional intimacy and landed in the maximum out of this world intimacy zone. 

You both lay there quietly. Your backs are a centimeter away from one another. You become hyper conscious of your own breathing. Is it too loud? Wait shit, you should have gotten under the covers. You don’t always use them, prevents you from being ready to jump out of bed at a moment's notice, but Karkat is probably cold. It would be weird to say something now. Karkat is rustling around, trying to get situated, but you’re perfectly still. A cough tickles your throat, but you hold it in, not feeling comfortable enough to break the quiet. You feel awkward and defenseless facing away from him, but it would be worse facing towards him. 

Karkat breaks the silence “Dave, would it kill you to fucking relax for once in your pathetically pent up, nook-retentive life.”

“...Sorry,” you cough. _Caught._

The more you try to force yourself to relax, the tenser you get. 

You know you’re not exactly comforting to be around. You’re far too overwrought, jittery, and ill at ease, but it still kind of stings to hear him say. You wouldn’t be surprised if you’re making him uncomfortable enough for him to regret coming to you. Okay, this train of thought is _not_ helping you relax and maybe you should start on your breathing exercises again but Karkat’s here and that would be weird as fuck and-

Something round softly presses between your shoulder blades and you startle.

“SORRY! Shit! I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You realize Karkat’s talking right into your back. You didn’t even know he turned towards you. 

He’s still rambling, “I really shouldn’t have. Fuck! I’m being so weird. It’s really a pale thing and we’re not _like_ that as much as you act like it. You. You just seemed so tense--”

“A pale thing.”

Karkat stiffens. 

“Pale is the one that calms each other down?”

“Yes and I’m sorry! I know you don’t think of me like that!”

“Do you think it works on humans?”

I don't KNOW!” he’s embarrassed.

You just. Want to be able to relax. For Karkat. You want to not be so in your own head, not be so ulcer-inducingly stressed for once in your life.

“Just… do it.”

“What?!”

“Do it!”

“Uh…..” Karkat gulps.

You close your eyes tightly as he pushes his face up against your back again. You have no idea where this is going and then he sort of nuzzles into you. You make a strangled noise.

He does it again, a slow sort of back and forth and then up and down with his head on your upper back. 

This is so weird that you wonder why you’re not laughing. 

He slides his face up to your neck and his whole front presses against your back. 

You’re finding it kind of hard to breathe. This is supposed to be relaxing, but the touch is warming up your whole body in a way you can’t make sense of. It feels like a lot. 

You try to loosen up into him anyways. 

This is so fucking alien. Animal. Something about it reminds you of a cat rubbing against its kitten. 

Speaking of cats, there’s a faint rumbling. It’s a vibration that starts soft and low. As Karkat continues to rub himself onto your neck and shoulders, it picks up into a loud, guttural purr that reverberates throughout your body. 

“Karkat,” you whisper, “what is that?”

“Shh. Turn around Strider,” his voice is thick and subdued by the chirring sound that is definitively coming from Karkat’s chest, “we’re getting under the snuggle plane.”

You both shimmy under your blankets and you turn to face him as per request.

You make eye contact for about 2 seconds before quickly snapping your eyes shut.

“Sorry, I know this was supposed to be about you man. I just thought if I could loosen up a little it would be more comfortable for you here.”

He snorts at that, “Dave, I’m pretty sure anything is better than pacing around my respite block alone for 9 hours on the verge of tearing out all of my hair. Plus…” he mumbles something unintelligible under his breath.

“What?”

“Comforting you comforts me! Fuck off,” he grumbles, “it’s kind of how a good moirallegiance is supposed to work. If you really…ugh, feel deeply for your moirail, it’s kind of a feedback loop of comfort. It gives me something to do and makes me feel needed, so yeah.”

 _Feel deeply?_

“Oh.”

You feel your cheeks get hot. 

Karkat sighs and then goes right back to nudging and nestling into your chest while his body wracks with vibrations.

The whole situation is so bizarre that your stressors start feeling irrelevant. He said he likes doing this, right? 

If it’s to help a bro out.

You unwind a little and just let Karkat do his thing. His purring washes over you and slowly the sensations of the experience fill most of your consciousness. 

You sink deeper into the mattress as your muscles loosen. He’s moving his face up to your shoulders and then higher. Suddenly, you feel something wet and scratchy on your neck.

Instead of freaking out, you laugh. 

“Karkat man, did you just lick me?”

Karkat splutters, “I’ll have you know that tongue baths are fundamental pale behavior you culturally insensitive nook rag! There’s nothing weird about it!” Despite his claims, you can feel the heat radiating off of his face. 

“Whatever you say. As you were.”

“As I was? Are you-- are you sure your inferior human sensibilities are up for it? You really should be more careful with who you bare your fleshy human weak points to. I know I started it, but we’re not even moirails! do you know how _dangerous_ it could be to let some random troll’s mouth anywhere near you!?”

“Mmm,” you tilt your head away from him, exposing your neck. Honestly, this is nice. You’re so warm under the blankets with Karkat, and your head is starting to feel light

He hesitantly pushes his face to the skin by your ear and licks. You laugh again. Honestly, it’s more like a giggle and you can’t believe yourself. 

He pushes away from you indignantly, “If you’re not going to take this seriously, we’re done here!”

Your laughing gets louder, “Karkat no! Come back here and give me the saliva shower I deserve. I’m so fucking ready you don’t even know.”

He rolls back over to face the wall.

“Kaaaarkaaat,” you shimmy close to his back, “Hey come on. I’m not laughing at you. This whole scenario’s just a little bit crazy, ya know? If you told me two years ago that one day I’d be lucky enough to get a tongue bath from an angry alien, I would have said to come up with a less weird and lame joke. Also it kind of tickled.”

“Whatever. It’s fine. The mood’s dead anyways,” Karkat mutters, but you can hear faint laughter in his voice.

“I’m not letting this go Vantas. I’m getting my tongue bath some day, one way or another.”

“In your dreams.”

“But yeah, speaking of dreams, you probably should get to sleep. I really don’t know how you’re still awake after nearly 168 consecutive hours with minimal shuteye. That can not be good for you.”

Karkat squirms uncomfortably and sighs, “Shit. I’ll try, but I’m not-- it’s not… easy.”

“Yeah um, I’m here if-- if you like need. Me. Um.”

“Ok. I know. Thanks.”

And with that he re-situates his head on your pillow, shuffles his body until he’s in a comfortable position, and then lies still.

This time, you’re facing his back, and as crazy as it sounds, you actually feel like you could get some sleep. You feel light and loose. Maybe a little too giddy, but that’s still leagues better for sleeping than your usual knotted up inside and out schtick. Your eyes start to close and you entertain the idea that Karkat really is so good for you.

You think Karkat’s breathing is evening out too when he breaks the silence.

“Dave. I’m scared.”

Your tired brain feels a lurch of sympathy for the sad troll.

“Hey uh, that’s ok,” you scootch a little closer to him, your front touching his back ever so lightly, “do you want to tell me why?”

“I just can’t have another nightmare. I _can’t._ And the last thing you want is waking up to me thrashing around or screaming or some shit.”

He’s talking like he’s worried about being bothersome and that’s so wrong.

“Listen, this is kind of embarrassing to say, but because you’re here, I feel like I can sleep better than I have in maybe ever. Even if you wake me up 5 times fucking pissing your pants and I have to do a load of goddamn piss soaked laundry each and every time, I’ll still have had a better sleep than usual, so you can chill out knowing that every time you freak out, you can wake me up no worries and I’ll be right here. It’ll still be a net gain for me”

“Okay,” he doesn’t sound convinced.

“Do you want a tongue bath? Because I can do that. For real. I guarantee it’ll be the worst tongue bath you’ll ever have the displeasure of receiving, but if it helps.”

“Uhhh.”

“What? Tongue bath it is?”

“Actually. I mean if you want to do something there is this thing…”

You stare at the back of his head and wait. He really smells so good.

“You can... do my horns.”

“ _Do_ your horns?”

“Yeah, you know. Like scritch them.”

You let out a huff of laugher onto the back of his neck, “Yeah ok, I can do that.”

“I know that’s sort of for wigglers, but it was something my lusus did for me on Alternia during the dark moon. The dark moon is this shitty hellscape of a week where murder rates go up by 50% and the horrorterrors are so strong that not even sopor can drown them out completely.”

Anything about Alternia always throws you for a loop, but it’s cute when he talks about his lusus.

“Karkat if you think me _doing_ your horns has any embarrassing cultural connotations that I am even peripherally aware of, you are sorely mistaken. For all I know, this could be the most mature, prestigious of activities. You actually sort of sold yourself out with that one.”

He’s quiet for a second.

“I wanted you to know about my lusus.”

“Aw,” you say, and you mean it. “Thanks for telling me.”

He shrugs.

You give in and closely press your body against his. He leans back into you, and you’re surrounded by warmth. You bring your hands up to his head and bury them in his thick hair. You can’t resist taking a sniff and you hope he doesn’t notice. 

You begin to move your fingers in slow circles into his skull and he sighs deeply.

You find the base of his horns and a purr stutters out of him once again. As you rub into his head and scratch lightly up his small, cute horns, the soft vibrations in his chest grow. You continue massaging for the next few minutes. Karkat’s stuttered breathing slows, and his warm body slouches even further into yours. 

Finally, you find it impossible to resist. You nestle your face deeply into his hair and inhale. 

You make sure he’s asleep before drifting off yourself, surrounded by Karkat’s sounds, smells, and warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> I believe that crabdad could scritch around Karkat's horns with his big crab claws ok!! 
> 
> [Oh also I just made a tumblr! I'll just be reblogging ungodly amounts of davekat there probably and posting some stuff about fics.](https://flagellvvm.tumblr.com/)


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